This issue has been on my mind today. I don't know what brought it into my head, possibly the incessant headlines about Jamie Lynn Spears. I was thinking how sad it is that she is not going to be giving her baby up for adoption. It would be the only way that child could possibly live a normal, happy life. In fact it's a shame that more pregnant teens don't choose adoption.
I know the choice is theirs, and I know that they have several choices, including abortion, adoption, raising their baby themselves, or giving it to mom to raise, but why would they choose to raise the child themselves...and in JLS's case why give it to mom to raise when she has already shown that she will do a crappy job of it!? What are these teens thinking? They must just be thinking about the cute factor without really giving thought to financial factors and all around stability. This is so unfair to the babies.
I decided to search the web to see whether teens are even being encouraged to choose adoption. I did find a few sites, but I believe that the young people who would go to those sites are those who have already chosen adoption. In other words they are preaching to the choir. One question that did catch my attention while surfing those sites, however, was the question about race.
Apparently, Black couples are less likely to want to adopt and Hispanic couples even less so. This brought two questions to mind. Are white couples open to interracial adoption? I've seen a lot of posts by white women stating that they would prefer to adopt from Eastern Europe because they would prefer a white baby. Where does this leave the non-white pregnant teens? And it seems the reverse is true as well. Black and Hispanic couples are likely to have a shorter wait because the mothers of a similar race will choose them first. So, who ends up losing? To me, it seems as if everyone does. The couples wanting to adopt have long waits, the pregnant teens have fewer couples to choose from, and worst, the babies are being placed due to race not other possibly more pertinent issues.
This brings me back to my original question. Why aren't more teens choosing adoption? Could it be that these racial issues within the adoption process are discouraging teens from choosing adoption? Could it be that they are afraid that their baby will be unwanted?
That may be part of it, but I also know for a fact that another part of it is cultural. At least, it is in the Hispanic community. If a young girl becomes pregnant and begins to show, she is expected to raise her baby, even if she needs her parents help. These young girls will live at home and the entire family, especially her mom will pitch in to help raise the baby. Adoption is definitely frowned on in the Latino community. I read a blog today by a teen who proposed that adoptive parents adopt the teen while she is pregnant. As silly and logistically impossible as that might be, it does seem that it would take something at least that drastic to help a pregnant Latina teen deal with pressures she will feel from her community. In reality, it is the whole perception of adoption within the culture that needs to be changed. How do we go about doing that. Seems like an impossible task.
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8 comments:
Interesting post. I wish I had an answer. I have been poking around adoption sites myself lately, and some of them have pictures & bios of prospective adoptive parents. I was shocked. I scanned through many pages and saw not a single african-american or latino couple. My first thought was, wow - is it only white people who are infertile? Of course not, (and not all couples looking to adopt are infertile) but it speaks to your post about different cultural views on adoption and family.
What a interesting post. You are right about teen latina girls and they notion that they just don't put thier babies up for adoption.
Thank you for that food for thought.
You bring up a lot of interesting points. I've also given this subject a lot of thought. Thank you for providing your insight and giving me some new things to think about.
Very interesting questions. Thanks for putting that out there.
I have a couple things to note.
First - I do believe many white couples aren't comfortable with interracial adoption. However, in many cases, that's just as well, be it because there would be racist factors in that child's life from the family, or for the simple fact that they aren't sure they can provide everything that child needs. I know that sounds silly, but as a couple who are very seriously considering state adoption, we have to decide what is best for our future adopted child as well. I know we would learn what we needed, and that we're smart enough to arm ourselves with books and immerse ourselves in culture so that child can know more about their biological heritage, but at the same time.. are we? It's such a big question to ask. You also have to consider where you live and the kinds of questions and looks you and the child might get. Can you deal with that? Another dumb one is.. I don't even know how to take care of someone's hair that's different from mine. I'd learn of course, but those are just a few of the "duh" things that go through your head when adoption changes from a possible dream to a more firm reality. It's like worrying for your children before they're even your children.
Secondly - many white couples will adopt any children very happily. I work in a place where I see this all the time. I would say we're the same, but we're technically a mixed race couple too, so I don't know if we count. ;) However, we're pretty sure we'll adopt whatever child needs us and works for our family. Sadly, I'm just scared of some of the things a child that's a race other than one of us will have to deal with from some of our family. :(
And FINALLY! :) My Mom was a teenage Mother. Many things were harder because of it, and she learned a lot while raising me. However, I would not change a single tiny thing. She and my husband are THE most important people in my life - hands down. I'm sure I'd feel the same about my adoptive mother too, but just to show that some Moms can do it as teenagers. She has sacrificed so much for me and provided so well. She's taught me to stand up for myself and search for better. Seeing her mistakes and living the life we led has given me even more incentive to do well for ME. She also taught me so much about being true to myself. She's been an amazing Mother. Mostly because of her, I'm one of the few people in my family to have a college degree, and one of the ONLY ones to move outside of the little area my family calls home. Mom didn't give me up partly because of family pressure (though Grandma would have supported her anyway), but it was also due to love and knowing that she really would do her best to give me the best life she could and would love me like I deserved. I think she was successful.
Just wanted to let you know that some teens can make it, and it can be a good decision no matter the initial trauma.
Sorry for hijacking your comments with that ridiculously long comment. I guess your post just spoke to me :)
I'd never even thought of that issue. Thanks for giving me something to ponder! ;)
Ha! Barb, you cracked me up with the hair comment.
I am very glad for your long post. Those are all very valid points. I, of course do realize that there are some teen moms who will do a great job raising their child, I just don't believe that is the majority, at least not in my experience.
In my family there have been a number of teen pregnancies, and unfortunately, all they have done was perpetuate a very sad cycle. One of my cousins even stated that she was having another baby to get more from welfare. Grrr!
Thanks Rosa.:) They all would have seemed like dumb things to be concerned about (the adoption stuff) until I was actually faced with it myself. Now it's a lot in my brain! :)
Thanks for your reply. I appreciate it. I'm sorry your experience has been bad. :( I'm also sorry to say that teen pregnancy is very common in my family's poor little corner of the country (almost expected at times) and that I've seen a lot of what you describe as well. But most of our babies tend to do well (including my sis and her son, but then she was 19).
Thanks for the interesting chat!
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