Sharing my blog, oh my!

I was always really bad at writing in my diary, so maybe by sharing my blog with all of you, I'll feel some sense of responsibility to actually keep it up to date.

Where am I right now? Hmm, to tell you that, I guess I have to give you a bit of history about myself and my life. I'm engaged to wonderful, beautiful, supportive, loving, intelligent, emotionally f'ed up man. We not only have issues with infertility, but there are psychological/emotional issues that we must overcome before we can really go about dealing with the IF issues. I try to deal with both things at once, he's more of a one thing at a time type of person. Understandable since for the most part the issues we need to deal with are on his side. Oh, don't get me wrong, I have my fair share of baggage and my mom left me with a truck load of issues of my own. However, what's keeping us from realizing our basic dreams, such as marriage and a family are mostly on his end.

Okay, so given that little bit of information, I can tell you that we had one SA done with lower than average numbers. I'm still working on getting him in to do the second SA. As I mentioned earlier he is more of a one thing at a time type, so right now, the SA is not the one thing. Frustrating trying to figure out how far to push without pushing him to far to the point where he falls apart.

So, where am I right now? I'm trying to get him to come so that in a few days he can go get his SA. Oh, so you don't think that's very challenging? Heh! You don't know what a challenge DF is. He seems to get sick, physically sick just before having to do anything he does not want to do. So yes, he is sick right now. Poor baby, I feel badly for him because I know he is suffering, but dang it! I also want to slap him and tell him to stop having such bad timing. Now I feel like I'm an awful partner and feel totally guilty.

I don't like feeling guilty, so I'm changing the topic. Here's a blinkie I made for next holiday season. Couldn't actually get myself to make it during the holidays, as that would have put me over the edge, but I'm all set for next year! (Hmm, for whatever reason you need to click on it to actually see it blinking and to save it blinking.)