He has problems following through. I have problems making him follow through. We have $$ issues (but then again, post-Bush, who doesn't?) We are not the most organized couple in the world. Our life isn't terribly structured. We pretty much do what we want, when we want.
I know all of these are issues because they would be huge issues in my classroom. My classroom is very structured. There is always follow through. There is planning. There is organization. My classroom is the opposite of my home life. And it's that way because that's what I think children need. Does being a mom mean I'm going to have to be more teacher-like 24/7. I don't know if I can do that. I am exhausted by the time I get home. My students take so much out of me, because I give so much of myself to them.
Am I really ready to take care of someone else? Am I grown up enough? Hell, I can't even keep a plant alive beyond a week, two if it's really hardy!
WTF?! I haven't even finished filling out all the paperwork, since we know he's not going to do any of the filling out, and I'm already not sure. Is this normal, or should I just give it up and not bother going any further. I want to do a good job raising my child. I feel like I'm really going to mess them up. I don't want to be a mess of a mom. But beyond that foster adoption! Really!
OMG! Kids who are adopted have so many issues that non adopted kids don't have. Issues of identity, of fitting in. Am I going to be able to be sensitive enough to raise an adopted child. I could probably muddle through, but an adopted child who has been through the system!? Gah! These kids have been through some serious issues. Will I be a good enough parent to help them deal with their issues? Will I be able to parent a child to grow to be a happy, healthy adult?
And what about the whole pregnancy thing. What about the whole baby thing? What about the whole breast feeding my child thing? Will these be things I will be able to get over? And even if I am able to get over it, will I be able to be emotionally healthy enough as a parent to not have my issues become issues for my child?!
OMG! OMG! OMG! I'm kind of freaking out right now. Way to start the new year!
