Hope is a Bitch!

I am over my whole hysteria wondering whether we will be good parents, for now. DF and I talked and he has made me feel much more secure with everything. So, on that front, things look good.

However, as we know, if it's not one thing it's another. On Monday, we took MIL to an appointment with her cardiologist and then to her post heart surgery rehab. Lots of sitting around, nothing too strenuous. However, by the end, I was sitting and getting dizzy. I was also really tired. I hadn't really done anything except sit and talk, so there was no reason for the fatigue. When we got back to the in-laws' I asked FIL to take my blood pressure. It was pretty low.

About 20 years ago, I had half of my thyroid removed due to a benign nodule that was growing on it. Lately, the other half has started to grow. DF noticed it quite a few months ago, but I dismissed it at the time. Now I'm thinking that may be the cause for all of this. I think I may be hypothyroid. I have an appointment with my Dr. later today.

I have been talking with friends about this and one of them who was hyperthyroid, got pg the first month she began ttc after her thyroid was controlled. I know that is her story, not mine, but DAMN! I just can't help hoping. I know that's not healthy for me. I know that there is a very good chance that I will never get pregnant. I know that the more I hope, the more disappointed I am likely to be, and yet.... Hope is a bitch!